Post by Elmageindall on Nov 29, 2011 23:09:51 GMT -5
I'm just so sick of the world, and society, and religion, and politics, and everything inbetween. They say I'm depressed and give me pills. Does it really have to mean that you have to be "depressed" if you hate life.
I'm sure many of you that reads this just say (Why don't this fucking idiot just commit suicide then if he hates life so much).
And I almost have, I just couldn't go through with it. It's a scary thing ya know, the unknown, death. Just because I don't want to live doesn't mean I want to die.
For the past two years I have drunken myself to sleep, or taken some kind of pills. Just to get some kind of balance in my so called life, some kind of peace of mind. A strong fantasy for a couple of hours at night is better then nothing else right?
I don't have any friends left, I've completely closed myself in. I'm actually not that sad about that, more of the situation I'm in, and cannot seem to find a way out. Well maybe I am sad about it, but the company of others just isn't what takes place at the top of my mind.
No one even knows how I feel, I've felt like this for a long time. And I just recently went to the hospital (for a different reason), but I got to talk to a doctor and later on a phsyciatrist. And I finally came clean to my mom on how I feel, and boy did she get sad.
But I made a promiss. To my mom. before I completely break down and get the courage to take my life, I will atleast give a try. A try at doing something, something to take me away to some place that can give me some tranquillity and peace.
So I've spent the last couple of days coming up with some kind of plan. They offered theraphy, but again. I'm not fucking depressed, I just happen to hate how life works where I'm at, wich is pretty much the same around the entire world, if not worse.
But there must be some place out there for me, every inch cannot be populated with the things that I hate. So I've started to make a step by step plan. The first step is...
That I will search the web for appropriate unpopulated islands around the world, and carefully select a few of them that seems to meet the right standards. Then travel to these locations along with a list of items to help me decide on a new place to make home.
And then to go back with the information I've gathered, and use it to obtain what I need to go back and actually create a life and a home there, to be able to live in peace without any of the worries of my normal non-existing life. It might work, it might actually be what is right for me.
I'm a smart guy, if your reading this and thinking (yeah good luck with that plan dude!). I am pretty intelligent, I know exactly what I'm getting myself into. And the list of steps is long, the amount of research I'm doing is humongous. And so is the amount of money something like this is actually going to cost. Money that I don't even have any of.
We're talking building material, concrete, steel, wood, tools. Not to mention some way of shipping. And some kind of combined electrical system, wind/solar. Along with plumming for water. So it's alot designing and engineering. But I believe it can be done, just time consuming.
A long shot? ey? So how will I even be able to start this massive project when I havn't even any money... I don't know.
I will set up a paypal account if anyone would like to donate me money or fund me in some other way. Maybe one of you have a company that makes wind turbines, or solar panels, and wouldn't mind to donate one of those, or any other kind of item or material that I can use. Or if someone is just rich and bored and want to see if I can succeed just for the fun of it.. The interweb is a big place and you never know what kind of person you meet ya know, that was what I was thinking anyways.
I am working on this project every moment I'm awake. And I'm predicting my first journey to find my island will take place in a couple of months. Other then taking measurements and collecting samples of the land I have to work with (flower and fauna) and such. To be able to design a perfect construction when I get back. I will also take pictures and keep you posted on how everything goes.
If anyone is interested at all that is! (of course, your all welcome to come join me on my little island!)
Anyways, if someone has any questions or wants to ask me something, I've created another forum for questions. Or you can send me a PM here or send an email to: (Elmageindall@spray.se).
I'm sure many of you that reads this just say (Why don't this fucking idiot just commit suicide then if he hates life so much).
And I almost have, I just couldn't go through with it. It's a scary thing ya know, the unknown, death. Just because I don't want to live doesn't mean I want to die.
For the past two years I have drunken myself to sleep, or taken some kind of pills. Just to get some kind of balance in my so called life, some kind of peace of mind. A strong fantasy for a couple of hours at night is better then nothing else right?
I don't have any friends left, I've completely closed myself in. I'm actually not that sad about that, more of the situation I'm in, and cannot seem to find a way out. Well maybe I am sad about it, but the company of others just isn't what takes place at the top of my mind.
No one even knows how I feel, I've felt like this for a long time. And I just recently went to the hospital (for a different reason), but I got to talk to a doctor and later on a phsyciatrist. And I finally came clean to my mom on how I feel, and boy did she get sad.
But I made a promiss. To my mom. before I completely break down and get the courage to take my life, I will atleast give a try. A try at doing something, something to take me away to some place that can give me some tranquillity and peace.
So I've spent the last couple of days coming up with some kind of plan. They offered theraphy, but again. I'm not fucking depressed, I just happen to hate how life works where I'm at, wich is pretty much the same around the entire world, if not worse.
But there must be some place out there for me, every inch cannot be populated with the things that I hate. So I've started to make a step by step plan. The first step is...
That I will search the web for appropriate unpopulated islands around the world, and carefully select a few of them that seems to meet the right standards. Then travel to these locations along with a list of items to help me decide on a new place to make home.
And then to go back with the information I've gathered, and use it to obtain what I need to go back and actually create a life and a home there, to be able to live in peace without any of the worries of my normal non-existing life. It might work, it might actually be what is right for me.
I'm a smart guy, if your reading this and thinking (yeah good luck with that plan dude!). I am pretty intelligent, I know exactly what I'm getting myself into. And the list of steps is long, the amount of research I'm doing is humongous. And so is the amount of money something like this is actually going to cost. Money that I don't even have any of.
We're talking building material, concrete, steel, wood, tools. Not to mention some way of shipping. And some kind of combined electrical system, wind/solar. Along with plumming for water. So it's alot designing and engineering. But I believe it can be done, just time consuming.
A long shot? ey? So how will I even be able to start this massive project when I havn't even any money... I don't know.
I will set up a paypal account if anyone would like to donate me money or fund me in some other way. Maybe one of you have a company that makes wind turbines, or solar panels, and wouldn't mind to donate one of those, or any other kind of item or material that I can use. Or if someone is just rich and bored and want to see if I can succeed just for the fun of it.. The interweb is a big place and you never know what kind of person you meet ya know, that was what I was thinking anyways.
I am working on this project every moment I'm awake. And I'm predicting my first journey to find my island will take place in a couple of months. Other then taking measurements and collecting samples of the land I have to work with (flower and fauna) and such. To be able to design a perfect construction when I get back. I will also take pictures and keep you posted on how everything goes.
If anyone is interested at all that is! (of course, your all welcome to come join me on my little island!)
Anyways, if someone has any questions or wants to ask me something, I've created another forum for questions. Or you can send me a PM here or send an email to: (Elmageindall@spray.se).